My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
