Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
