Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
