Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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