i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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