Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
