he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
