I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
