That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
