The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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