Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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