I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize