so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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