I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
