Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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