dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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