Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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