My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
