your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
