He uses pillows to masturbate.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
