Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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