Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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