help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
