I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
