she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
