Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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