Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
