I didn't shave. On purpose
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I want to fling myself into the sun
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