plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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