I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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