Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
