One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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