How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
