my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
