I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
