So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
