She said her name was "party"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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