honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
