Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
