fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
