i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm too high and old for this...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
