I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i think my cat just said my name.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
