I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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