We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
