physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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