i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
