Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
