but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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