Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
