i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
