wrigley field is MILF paradise
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
