After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im holly from the hills drunk
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
