I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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