so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
