paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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