I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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