oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Someone signed my nipple.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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