My hand turned me down
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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