with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
