Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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