I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
