I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
