No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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