Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
