im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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