Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
