I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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